Passed over for promotion: turning the setback into career capital.

From Lehman Brothers to her own consultancy

Abda: We've all been there, or know someone who has. You work hard, deliver results and expect to move up, only to see someone else get the job. My guest knows this territory well. Tell us about yourself.

Yusra: I completely fell into my career. Let's not count the decades. I started in the corporate real estate department at Lehman Brothers and, by saying yes a few too many times, moved naturally into technology and then data analytics. I ended up at CBRE, building and growing a data analytics function across EMEA, and then became a global head of data. Then I decided to go out on my own and build my own data consultancy.

Some of what you just described is exactly why I took that step. When there's a disconnect between what you feel you've contributed and how you're perceived, it's disheartening. But it can also be incredibly motivating and propel you to where you want to go next. What have you got to lose?

Why promotions get missed

Abda: Research points to three common reasons: lack of visibility, a skills gap, and politics and perception. Do they resonate?

Yusra: All of them. On skills, the reality in structured corporate environments is that you have to be operating at the next level already. Early in my career I thought you got promoted and then learned the job. It doesn't work like that. If you want to be a director, you have to be a director first, and they give you the title after. And it's rare to find people with a real balance of technical and soft skills, certainly in data. Some are deeply technical but can't speak to a senior business person; others are the opposite.

But looking back over my whole career, what I didn't realise was the importance of the people around me. For most of it I had a strong base of mentors I never went looking for: managers and executives who adopted me on the way up. I once heard a TED talk that said: always make sure you have someone who will vouch for you and fight for you when you're not in the room. In recent years I didn't invest in replacing those mentors as I outgrew them, and when I started struggling to get promoted, I can draw a direct line to the absence of a strong sponsor.

“Make sure you always have someone who will fight for you when you're not in the room.”

Abda: So how do you find a mentor? It's not just anyone; it's a meaningful relationship, almost a click.

Yusra: Three ways. First, look up in your organisation at leaders you admire, but if you approach them, go with a plan, or it falls flat. Second, work your network: ask people you trust who they'd recommend. That's how I found several business mentors for my company, and because they come through people you like, the chances you'll click are much higher. Third, put yourself out there: events, LinkedIn. I've reached out to people whose posts I liked and asked them for a virtual or in-person coffee. Nine times out of ten, if not ten, if you go in open to learning, you'll have an interesting conversation, and it pays off at some point. You have to get over yourself and the "I can't possibly ask".

Yusra: And remember, when someone reaches out because they were genuinely inspired by something you said, it's one of the biggest compliments you can give. Most people are pleased to be asked. You'll never win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket.

Resilience, or something else?

Abda: There's research on how setbacks shape careers. A 2019 study by Wang, Jones and Wang found that scientists who narrowly missed out on early-career grants often went on to outperform their peers. I also came across a finding that men who are passed over for promotion are more likely to leave than women, which some read as women being more resilient.

Yusra: I'd question that. Is it correlation or causation? Do women stay because they're more resilient, or because we've been moulded to expect less and accept more? I work at the intersection of real estate and technology, two very male-dominated industries. In one meeting, an older male colleague messaged me: "How are you standing this level of disrespect?" It had gone right over my head. I thought that was just how I got treated. He left the organisation after about a year and a half; I stayed five.

And women rarely say why we really leave. We bow our heads at the exit interview, say it's all been wonderful and that we've found another role, after a long runway of hoping to be seen. A man is more likely to say: you didn't promote me, you didn't respect me, I'm out. Women are very resilient, but the reasons we stay may be different: money, fear of not finding another role, or being worn down into thinking this is as far as we'll get.

Abda: That kind of behaviour shouldn't be accepted, and rudeness isn't strength. In my experience, knowing your subject well and having a good network around you makes it much easier to speak up.

Don't let it define you

Abda: So what do you do when it happens? My tips: step back and reflect before reacting. Seek constructive feedback from your manager or HR, calmly and professionally. Then build the missing skills, which is how you build career capital. And strengthen your relationships.

Yusra: Those are practical, tangible steps. But before any of them: don't internalise it. We pour everything into our careers until they become our personalities, so a setback feels like a verdict on our worth as a person. I've been learning to separate the two people I am: Yusra at work, where success and failure are part of a game, and Yusra the human being, who is still a good person, loved by her family and friends, whatever happens at work. Once you divorce the two, you can walk into those conversations without the emotional baggage of fighting for your life, and be strategic. The feedback might be as simple as hitting a financial metric, taking a course, or building relationships with certain business units. Those are actionable. Go in feeling attacked, and you've already lost the conversation.

Abda: Can you share what happened to you?

Yusra: Early in my career I was spoiled. I had caring, strong leaders. At Lehman I'd walk into my review, get a gold star and a pay rise, and when opportunities came up mine was the first name mentioned. I wasn't doing anything different later; I was consistently performing. The difference was a culture and leadership that were conscious of recognising and retaining talent. They used to say that if you worked at Lehman, you still bleed green. I still do.

As I got more senior, the pool got smaller and the competition fiercer. I was running my own P&L, delivering strong results and receiving my full bonus year after year, yet the promotion I was working towards kept moving further away. There comes a point where you ask: why not me? Eventually I decided it was time to go. I'd been saving for a year beforehand. Always have a plan B.

And when you get more senior, let's be honest, it's about how much money you make the business, your relationships, and building a brand outside the company. If you're doing all of that and still not getting there, have an honest sit-down with yourself. Wrangle your ego. I realised I was the good kid at school who needed the gold star, and I'd replaced it with the performance review every six months. The deal wins are addictive. Be honest about the landscape: maybe your face doesn't fit in that situation. That doesn't make you a bad person. Ask what your end goal is, and let your why shape the strategy.

“Being passed over doesn't say anything about the human being you are.”

Abda: And balance matters: health, career, and family and friends. If one side of the triangle is off, it affects the others.

Yusra: A friend once told me there are two paths: figure out what you love and get really good at it until the returns come, or set yourself a target and pick up the skills to get there, whether you love it or not. Either way you can have a good life, especially if your career isn't your whole identity.

Abda: That's Cal Newport's argument in So Good They Can't Ignore You: skills trump passion in the quest for work you love. Getting really good at what you do is what eventually brings fulfilment.

Abda: Missing out on a promotion is tough, but it doesn't define your career or who you are. You can reflect, learn and take intentional steps.